Emptiness

Scorned by the repetition of fate, I thought severing the bonds of affection for her would meant the end of seeing her. But circumstances deny, refuting the psych barrier I have built up on them... I thought I would break down, I thought I would be engulfed by mixed emotions. That is until I saw her again... After these 3 months, has time finally expunged the humanity in me together with the memories I have for her? For all I can feel is this hole in my heart, this hole that have discerped me from all cognitive and volitional states of consciousness...

We just sat in silence, drowned by the background of several others. Stuck and muted by the quandaries of speech. Random topics just spawned out of my mouth, trying the break the stillness of the night between me and her. After such a long time, I finally saw her again, but I feel no pain, no anger, no more emotions... Just this void between me and myself, between me and her, between the space that seperates us.

This emptiness, is it a form of acquiescence at the final stage of breaking up? Is it the final phase of this great project called love?

After some recent revelations, I guess broken hearts are just meant to be forever broken. My lifelong affinity to bachelorhood and the prerogative it offers just got shaken somehow. Replaced by an unexpected emptiness that seemed to have grown day by day, hour by hour... The vacantness of solitude and uncertainty... All I could think of now, is how she is shattering the tenuous silence I have in between my guilty conscience and my inner monologue...

What am I looking for? The long elapsed past, ticking away with every second of the clock? Or the distant future that is seemingly filled with endless possibilities... What I am searching for, is not the past that has forsaken me nor the future of what I dreamt it would be, but the opportunities I have relinquish my grip on...