9

Somehow, whenever I see this number on a date or a calender, it reminds me of her... Stuck in between the number of losing her and them being together. I got lost on the path to recovery...

Sentimental some says, stupid to others, but that is just me... Everyone says it will happen give it time, there is someone better for you out there. That seems like so much sympathetic eloquent and insincere rhetoric, like they just know who I will run into and what I am looking for. Maybe its easy for most people to just give their hearts and emotions away but not for me. I don’t know what I need anymore for that or how to find someone if I did. The part of me that had that ability is long gone, the player if it were has been retired along the time my heart emptied, and I can’t get back into that life style even if I wanted to. I could only give when I am full, but now, there's nothing within me, only that lingering pain and perhaps betrayal...

I feel destined to be alone, that now I am actually moving forward instead of backward or staying still. I am no longer just a rock in the river of time. Perhaps its better this way, you don’t feel obligated to be there for someone, you don’t have to feel concerned for someone else’s well being, you can make your own decisions and just move on with life and what ever happens only affects you. But somehow, this emptiness just consumes me whenever I'm alone and not doing things...

By the time this entry is done, it's now 10... The anniversary of losing her is over, and their commemoration of togetherness has just begun...