Estranged

Estranged in this world lies a foreign man, a man who knows not even in the slightest heartbeat that he’s alive. As the muses guide his soul in life, time became nothing more than mere tickings of the clock. For he lives not in the present but in the past that had long forsaken him…

Yet in these memories he held ever so tightly, they just tears him apart with each waking. Like a broken recorder, snippets of past plays vividly in his mind, sometimes with the oddments of other imageries he conjured.

Though tears would form, he knows better that such despondency is just superfluous. For he’s just waiting, waiting for that right person to come. That person who would make him step forward again…

Or maybe he will never move again…

Lest I Forget

At some point in life, we start to doubt the sincerity of people, we start to doubt fate and all the good things that happened. Maybe it’s the venal concept of evolution and the doctrine of cause and effect in it’s finest. Or maybe we just grew more skeptical in this Darwinian evolution.

Forgotten is the word, in a reverie spawned by one’s self fulfilling prophecy. In this congregation full of life and people, I felt this stint of emptiness overcoming… Everyone has a story, and I always thought mine was larger than theirs. But we are all no different from one another, not in any sense nor notion, not in any way nor another. Beneath our skin we each belong to a separate universe, a void in our human condition that encompasses all our emotions… Emotions such as grief, anger and happiness. And as each universe collides, we feel this tenderness of emotion in different forms and magnitude.

We are just lost souls in pain, looking for someone or something to numb the ache. Though I’ve never told you this, but I’m here because I want to forget you…

Still In Pieces

Are we strangers in this space? Reaching out for a dream unknown… Wrapped in mysteries, we walked down this winding road. Stranded in places we hold so dear, afraid of all the new tribulations that has yet to unfold. Yet many of us pressed on to find the eventual happiness and ever afters.

Even after so long, I still yearn for a life that never would be, a life that’s a distant so past away. Did I actually move on, or am I still a stone in this river of time? I know she has moved on… Everyone has… Except me.

I thought leaving everything behind is a consign to oblivion, that giving up is also a way of loving you… Still… I miss your kiss, your mischievous smile, I miss your warm embrace, and all the things you did to make me complete… After so many years, I still can’t believe that you are no longer here in my arms…

Broken and still in pieces, I am no better than I am, when I started all these writings… and I thought, I should just keep on writing…

This Moment

Reminiscing the past and the present that is yet to evanesce, 3 disparate people stuck in different dimensions of emptiness, each so distant yet synonymous. Then it struck me…

Why do I fall for women who are not possibly any good for me?

As a matter of fact, all the girls I fell for are pretty wild… They were free and uninhibited… It was like having a mythical creature to myself, someone so wild that could not be tamed but admired. Like a hunter on a tag and release basis, I could never hold onto love. In this world that shades of grey, love is not red, not for me…

And in this venture of finding a vessel for my heart, I found only pain and regrets. But however broken I may be, I have to move on… There is no room for selfness, no room for weakness, not in this world, not at this moment…

Soul Symphony

You remind me of love, a picturesque name in all it’s beauty, the apotheosis of an angel in which even your alias define. Till it all ends in an apostrophe, I should never even attempt to apothegm nor even think about how it will even continue…

Time and again, people slips pass my fingers like the sands of time. Long have I last decided upon the concept of singularity, yet in this constant motion of reunion and separations are the familiar strangers in between. Strangers whom I could only name by face and nothing more.

I expect nothing, and that’s how it should be. Because, you’re just a beautiful symphony 5 keys down. You are just another familiar stranger in this effete desert of mine.

I have nothing more to give, thus I shall receive nothing…

Emptied

I’ve been playing a lot lately in a bid to forget about the past. To create a diversion in this transition between the then and the now. To try and find an accompaniment to this monophony.

Sometimes we hope to miss someone and in turn missed by that particular somebody. A heartstring tied even till world’s end. With forlornness turned into strength and this strength into a force that persevere even as hopelessness draws near.

Now I have no one to think of anymore. No more love, no more missing someone, no more photographs by my bed stand and no more long distance calling. Maybe it’s better this way, maybe this is what it should have been all along…

Love is just a superfluous emotion in this dense mosaic of human populace.

Never Ending

Why is it like this? A constant of pouring… Where a stream of consciousness becomes a river. Which a river of thoughts impinges a tear. When I’m drowned by the notion of just your name…

I thought it would end, and that my heart would empty. That time will make me stronger with each blow dealt in between. That all the pain would bled off completely. That I would finally feel peace from all these precarious relationships.

Instead of this never ending…