Coffee Bean Girl

Swept away by you, my mind has turned my senses to you. I looked at you, and yet ironically diffident of your reciprocation. You looked into me, and that metaphysical monologue within fades into oblivion. I slipped into the mode of transition, between the thought of you and the quandaries with me. But by the time I’ve realized, you have already stolen my heart, my mind, and everything that embodies me.

The void between us is just three tables away, yet the mental block feels so insuperable. I am no longer the player I used to be, and the skills of the trade have long ebbed through the brokenness in me. I wanted to speak, yet my mind could find no words to illustrate my infatuation to you. All I could do was stealing second glances at you - though you caught me red handed a few times...

As relativity sets in, you left. Leaving your possessions behind as you walked towards me. And as towards transfigure into passing, the molecules of air you infused around has reached into my ambit of smell, basking me in that tantalizing scent of yours. On your passing you gave me that grin, that playful, seductive beam... Is that an approval of sanction or what? I contemplated for the whole day in circles thinking about what I should have done and not did. Even as I write this now, I couldn’t recollect my self, my thoughts and anything else that you have stolen from me...

We never knew each other; Damn, I don’t even know your initials. The only thing I knew is that you are the Coffee Bean Girl at the corner seat... I remembered how you look like, and I hope you remembered me too...

The Coffee Bean Guy at the entrance seat...

Random Walk

Often we predict what the future may be, like a gamble upon pure luck with the chips of time. We bet them on relationships, on education, on work and the eventual self realisation. The perpetual wins and losses tallies in intangible forms, for each chip used are a lesson gained. But most of the time what we betted on greatly deflects from cards of reality, for life’s a Random Walk.

I muse and ponder, reflect and deliberate; upon the wide array of endless possibilities. And I came to a conclusion that the doctrine of, “Everything will fall in place when the time comes” is more than just a theory. It is a force working its way through time and actuation. Falling in unknown places are the people and circumstances orchestrated by the many other individuals... With each of anything changing the course of everything and the eventual place we will be when the so called time comes. Through the inconsistencies of many, it ultimately comes down to a stasis of equilibrium, and we name it reality.

We ask question on our future and take assurance from others on how bright and correct it may or might be. In the end, only to come to this realisation of self. That our future is shaped by our present actions, and not the macro dialogues of corollary disposition.

Life is written by actions not alphabets, that’s why most books are penned by people who have acted...

Lovelessness

I came down with lovelessness – read the symptoms – discovered that I had loveless syndrome, must have had it for months now...

I wondered what else have I got; searched up on the net – found, as I had expected, I am heartbroken too – curiosity calls. As my interest of the human condition sank in I became determined to sift it to the bottom, and thus started alphabetically...

Read up on atrabiliousness, learnt that I was ailing from it, and that the acute stage was far from over. Balefulness, I was relieved to find, I had only in a modified form, and as far as that was concerned, I probably will get used to it... Cheerlessness I’m in, with several complications and depression, probably the only medical term, I chronically seemed to have contracted since nativity.

I drudged conscientiously through the remaining twenty two letters, and the only malady I could conclude I had not got, was love.

Money Does Make The World Go Round

I usually don’t write on a consecutive basis, but the revelations of this day have brought me to this understanding and thus, back to the screen of this window of thoughts. The understanding that money does make the world go round...

From the day I started to understand things and learnt how the world works, money always had the power to assuage the troubled minds... From family members to close friends, it never fails to work its magic... Perhaps that’s why I’ve chosen the path to understand the complexities of this sinful spell, and hopefully the power to wield it.

With a middling pecuniary strength, there’s only so much I could do, so much I could help. Everyone has their own story to tell. Yet I always pondered on the poignancy of my own story, as if my story superseded all of theirs. But once I realised I am part of this whole plan in life, I started to feel obliged to help in any way I can, unconditionally...

I thought with will and determination, everything would fall out well. Then I try to find expiation to redeem myself after I am unable to deny my instincts... That there is a limit to will, the limit to this world in which everything is closed.

Price Of Life

We pay and get paid in this life, in a cycle so tenacious no one can break. A cycle that involves time and currency, moments and numbers – The price of life.

Every day we measure people and things in prejudices and biases we don’t even understand, from the social affectations to a person to the very basics of human consumerism. Even the policies the government adopts and advocate, every single dollar transmitted through the plastic cards we unknowingly expend, lies the fact that a valuation has been made. An indication of a price we are willing to pay for this life.

The valuation of choosing time over money, people over time... We trade the seconds of each day in an attempt to build stronger bonds with people we want to be with or continue pursuing our materialistic dreams. And in this process, we have placed a price tag on almost anything or everything... The valuation of people epitomized by the gauge of time, the monetary measurement of the things we eventually buy. We have pasted a price tag on everything around us in incoherent numbers we could never comprehend, even if nobody has been honest enough to own up or admit to themselves...

Individually, we make decisions to place a price to our surroundings, our lives, our time... Like a quiet getaway to a remote village at nowhere, where we implicitly place a value on peace and quiet. Like how being fat is never an inheritance or a genetic disorder, it’s a life style choice. And we pay for vanity by the pain and the discipline of opportunity costs.

However when we make any of these decisions to measure anything, we probably don’t come clean to others, or even ourselves about the price we have put on our environs, our lives, our time...

This Moment Between Strangers

Somewhere between the strangers who turn into us, and the strangers we inevitably become - are the lives we occupy briefly and imagine to be the whole of ourselves. We step into the realm of others only to leave in a moment - hardly appraised by time, yet decreed by the things we have done.

These transient identities, these masks of masquerades that others mistakenly remember are what we actually are. These dust motes on anarchic tumble-tide trajectories. These momentary illusions coalesced from the quantum cause and ripple effect of all history, ready to evanesce at the slightest shift in neurochemistry or universal whimsy.

It seems I can no longer find time to define time... and meaning... and underlying form... and all those other things that occupied my mind so completely. Is life distracting me from the thoughts or were the thoughts distracting me from life? Am I better off where I am or where I was?

Was I a better stranger once? Will I become a better stranger next? Am I at least half as far from who I was, than from whom I want to become? Can these minutiae be measured with any accuracy or meaning?

Alas I can’t find any other words to fill this void - A vector agent of cerebral seepage.

Everything Happens For A Reason

Along the path of uncertainties, lie endless possibilities. This is especially true in every endeavor in life… Sometimes, it is not the effort or time we put in that constitutes the end, but rather the element of luck.

But everything has a cycle and that includes luck, as everything had to be restituted at the end. For I suppose that apocatastasis is the very basic principle in this world - Within the cycle of Earth lies the cycle of life and within each cycle lays millions of other cycles in between and beyond…

Along the vicissitudes in life are the various junctures many had deliberated upon. But along the decisions made and opportunities missed, are the ways we look at things… Everything happens for a reason; her leaving is one of such reason, and I am believing it day by day…