I Read You

Your hurts and worries - carefully framed and angled against the light, that the shadows might spill just so. Your happiness and laughter written out in vivacious discourse, buoyant and sanguine.

Your anger, sharp and jagged against the page. Clinical observations and heated opinions. Brazen revelations and coy confessions.

Your disappointment, deep along the oceanic trench. Where even a diver like me could never venture let alone comprehend.

I read you in these things. In these thoughts you share. I read you and I guess - for guessing is all I have. Like trying to reverse engineer every raindrop in a hurricane - to discern the glorious colour of the butterfly's beating wings.

I read and arrogantly imagine I have some sense of you. However remote. However imperfectly perceived. However distorted by language and distance, by your inscrutable aspects and my implicitly flawed assumptions.

I read and I believe that the quintessential part of you that extends out here into your facebook and those other places where our lives ever so briefly touch - is knowable. Is something real on its own terms and however you choose to define it.

I’m not addressing your problems, because I don't really know them. But I know you - and you are wonderful. Broken and wound down at the bottom of a pool but still totally wonderful.

You’ll pull through this and all else. I’m sure of that. You’ll preserve when you need to and let go when you have to. And you don't need to hear any of this, I know.

But maybe I just needed to say it.

The Distance Between

Miles and continents apart, across the seas and sands that separate, lies the ligature of a mutual need that bound us together… Through the space between the time lapses of a geographical distortion, we managed to find each other in the midst of a thousand waves.

Connected through fiber optic wires and a wireless correlation, our thoughts collide. With each word, she grows closer to me. Yet with each thought I miss her more than ever.  In this gap between my heart and reality, is a sacrifice I must endure… A pain that’s so acrimoniously acute - yet saccharinity runs through it, like the very blood that flows through me.

No matter how subtle, how vague. I’ll be reminded of her as she is of me…  For the distance between people is not measured by how far they are from you, but how close they are in your heart…

Away

I surmise time is but a measurement of our presence, a measurement of other’s presence, and a measurement for all things present. Be it a thing or people, relationships or animals, it somehow changes all of them in one way or another. To good or bad, from present continuous to past tense, they all change in time - Eventually into the irrevocability of conclusion and full stop… Yet in this trajectory change of no return, are the things we fail to see and realize…

Though the evanescence of time has brought me to accept this twist of fate, I find it a blessing instead. Freed from the heartstrings chaining me to this place, I’ve decided to seek a new life somewhere. Away from my friends, away from the succor of my comfort bubble, I’ve decided to move to a place where no one knows me… A place where I will start with a clean slate, a place where I will never lope into agonizing things like memories. That is until before I met her…

Anchored by the affections that bind us, I can’t confess my sentiments to her due to my moral conscience. I want to be selfish, but I can’t… Because she is the best thing that has happened to me.

This saccharine taste of love… These moments between the now and then. In this silence between the distance and universe, in this momentary lull in the speck of a thousand glimmer. I’m telling you that “I Love You” in silent consonants…

You can’t hear it – But it’s there…

A Week Before Departure

A decision solemnly decrees; a ripple effect extends through the future. Opening up new doors and closing some. In a path I now regret in modest, time became the only thing that could attest my resolve.

Nothing is a constant in this capricious fate. In the strings of sentimental baggage I left behind, the heaviest lies in this new found affection. I try to check them in, one at a time, only to find that some remained unsent, and some could never be sent... In all these mixed sentiments, I’ve decided to just let everything fall into place when the time comes...

In this twist of fate, I’m besotted. Within the span of dates, I’m infatuated. Though I’m leaving soon... I know I could sleep better after knowing her. For I now have dreams, instead of nightmares...

Envy

A moment in time; a lost confession. At the end of everything lies nothing but cupidity. Barren of all hopes and thoughts, I still linger around the gates of sanguinity. In an attempt to open the gate, I only found more locks instead...

The irrationality of a thing or emotion is not an argument against its existence, but rather a condition of it. Yet in this ever losing battle for coherence, I find myself biased against what I want to feel from what my mind tells me. In this war between logic and intuition, analysis and feelings, I have lost control in choice.

I no longer judge as impartial as I did. I no longer exercise fairness. I no longer seemed to have any more common sense...

Envy is a sin, I plead guilty for...